What does it mean when..

Your wife..

- scathingly attacks the way you look in clothing..

- calls you physically disproportionate, with a head too large for your body & torso needing more length..

and

- blames her original perceptions of attraction on you looking good when you are naked (or only in underwear.)

Jealousy & Sarcasm combined

"The perfect husband"

"Everybody wants to be with you; except me .. I've had enough of that experience, and that pleasure"

"We'll go and live with Barbushku"

..Olga exploded completely without cause and expressed her true intentions.

She also stated unequivocally: "I don't like your family".

Once again, jealousy & threats

Moments ago, Olga expressed her frustration that "She (Dunia) never asks me for anything. Always Daddy, Daddy.."

She threatened to fix this 'problem' soon. She stated the problem would be solved by her changing residence.

That is, by effectively kidnapping Dunia from her home and shutting Daddy out.

Whilst I hate to use vulgarisms..

It appears that the past week (with Dad's presence) resulted in fake goodwill on the part of the wife,

and one can now only say that "the B##ch is back".

Rude, impatient, angry, hostile, ill-willed, unappreciative...

Impatience has extended to Dunia more recently too .. particularly where she doesn't 'listen to what she is told to do'.

Dunia's perceived need for the breast is also being used against her where she is not compliant.

I thought I married a rich man

It turns out I married a misery.

A misery financially, mentally and physically.

...

Provocation for this: the argument that Olga cannot do as she absolutely pleases (i.e. as her mother pleases) with Dunia.

When a wife is outright hostile towards you..

what do you do?

Another day, another lesson..

Following being mocked by Olga for unconscious (smiling/holding back smiling) lip movements I was apparently making whilst watching Dunia play,

I asked her,

"Would it make you happy if your mother mocked your father in this manner?"

the answer: "she did".

(..the explanation her mother gave her was that it was so that he would lose what she viewed as his 'bad habits'..)

..I asked again: does it make you happy to think of your father being mocked?

No answer.

Lifting a child's spirits..

Rightly or wrongly, I hold the view that where possible, one ought to build up the confidence and spirits of a child.

A contribution to this end is signifying approval or congratulations, when something clever/difficult/interesting/etc.. is done.

So it was a few days back when I gave a little verbal 'bravo' to Dunia, and a little clap.

She looked up at Olga after I did this, and I quietly asked 'Ol, a little clap'

Olga stared at me and said: "what? we're going to clap for everything!?..and when does this stop?.. you'll keep going until she is 30!?"

My reaction to this comment: silent shock.

Is there anyone, at any age, who doesn't enjoy a little 'bravo'? a little pat on the back? a little support?

The curse of jealousy

Unequivocally articulated last night: Olga is jealous of the relationship Dunia & I have.

The provocation for the barrage related to this point last night was Dunia coming to me and asking me to lift her up to the window-sill and have a look at stars.

Having contracted the cold Olga has had for the past week..

..and which Dunia has had for the past few days

I was moments ago attacked (literally verbal assault) for "looking sick, which is disgusting for a man".

I was then told that I am permanently sick (..a thorough piece of deductive reasoning by Olga based on my cleaning my sinus's daily).

Following this, I was told that my non-taking on of suggested 'naturopath' and 'folk' methods are a sound reason to not spend any more time with me (ie to break up our family).

She stated that my decision to take the 'shit from London' (ie the pharmacy purchased 'cold & flu' tablets) and not the naturopath suggestion was setting a bad example as a father.

Attacked for breathing...

...No kidding..

I woke up and kissed Dunia on the forehead three times.

It was still pre-7am & more sleep was to follow.. Olga asked me to turn my head away so that it faced away from Dunia (& her) - who was by this time sharing our morning bed.

It was very upsetting.

Not to mention completely illogical.

Olga has been sick since Saturday. Dunia has been sick for a few days as a result of contracting from Olga whatever it is she has...

Yet Olga asked that I keep my 'infected breathing' and 'kisses' away from Dunia.

Sickening.

Dad said the way to your wife's heart is through her mother..

...there's more to it here.

Tonight, the sister is playing beautician to Olga.

And she's speaking to her about other men as though she is a single lady without any attachments (..whilst assuming of course that I understand zero of their discussion..).

The other evening her mother was doing the same, regarding other men.

It's repugnant.

Is Dunia's best interest at heart in these actions/discussions?

If you define Dunia's best interest as excise her Dad from her daily life, and give her over to the maternal family in order that they raise her at their pleasure & leisure.

In other words: absolutely not.

As if inspired by the visit of her Mother & Sister...

...the wife's behaviour took a turn from irritable to much worse.

It's as though she's trying to impress them with

- a showcased toughness (aka rudeness, curtness, disrespect...) towards me, and

- a foundationless showing of discontent.

She appears to be trying to build the case in the minds of others to validate the position she has recently been articulating:

Stealing Dunia away from her father.

...

Olga behaves with less patience towards Dunia when her Mother is present too... in particular where Dunia does not comply with her Mothers' and Sisters' requests with immediacy and with reverential respect.

...

Her behaviour is clearly provocative, but I am remaining calm. Obvious reasons in so far as providing grounds for her attack..

But even more so:

THE IMPACT ON DUNIA ... Herein lies my greatest upset.

Mother claims to love Dunia... and yet notwithstanding the number of occasions where (during lighter moments in particular) I have shared the importance of not being loud-aggressive-abusive-attacking in Dunia's presence (..I actually request that this be the case in general, but MUCH MORESO when Dunia is present)...

Olga continues and continues to be abusive-aggressive... in full view of the little-fragile one.

....

Note re FATHERING:

Olga articulated an hour ago that my active and immediate responsiveness to Dunia's calls for interaction/assistance etc are a source of great irritation for her.

...Additionally, this evening, it irked Olga that when her Mother and Sister arrived, Dunia did not immediately run to meet them. Dunia & I happened to be in the middle of watching a little skit she loves and we finished off an extra minute before joining the guests.

...Oh yeah... the fact that I carried Dunia into the kitchen to greet the arrivals was met with irritation too (..maybe even moreso when I had to insist that she leave my arms).

Literally antagonistic towards father and his relationship with daughter..

Olga is articulating that she, the mother, is clearly the most important parent to the child.

Further, she is expressing that the child will be fine without having father present fulltime.

She articulates that grandfather is favourite, possibly in order to validate in her mind the false belief that tearing daughter away from father is ok.

She is joyful when her parents are present and interact with Dunia.

She is frustrated when Dunia continues to express more interest in me when they are present.

She is angry when Dunia clearly has fun with me, or agrees to do something that moments ago she was not agreeable to with her. The fact that I simply employed a creative solution (such as having her focus on the bus's going past or something in order to coax her into eating) plays no role in her thought process.

This behaviour against me is upsetting at best. More accurately, it is abhorrent.

Either way, you cannot win..

The other half is sick. She has been for the past few days. The daughter has contracted whatever it is that the wife has too.

After the girls woke from an afternoon sleep, I just asked the wife how she is feeling.

"I don't need your CV questions" .. "I don't want to answer your questions when you don't really care" ..

Let me repeat, I had unprovoked, approach and "how are you feeling Ola?"... and I was attacked for not caring sufficiently in my manner of question.

(Is her response simply a case of : projection by the wife of her sentiments towards and approach to me?)

Going back a step, if I had not asked, if I did not buy lemons and ginger, check consistently what is needed from the shops, check what is desired in the way of drinks or food...etc... which obviously has been occurring, I would have been accused of not caring.

It is a ridiculous situation where whatever action is taken, one cannot enjoy a positive outcome.

Three times I have asked you to put the toothpaste the right way up!!!

..and when the water is boiling on the stove, you don't tilt the lid up, you turn the temperature down!!!

Why do people ask what's wrong??

What is wrong is you!

...

Completely ignored is that when I walked in the house half an hour earlier, Dunia was screaming and banging on the kitchen table.

When I am walking out now, Dunia is now content - having been fed (as per my noting her needs) and attended to.

Strange priorities by 'mother'.

Ridiculous attacks.