In case I had forgotten that appreciation was non-existent...

Following my gifting Olga a pair of fancy new shoes (..which she picked in order to ensure she truly fancied them - and I footed the bill), she responded:

"it's not a gift, it's a necessity"

Numerous abuses in the meantime, but seconds ago..

..Olga attacked me for taking too long to give Dunia a kiss before her afternoon nap.

The banter between Dunia and I went on for 20 to 30 seconds before Olga complained that I should just kiss her and leave the room, so that she could get on with breastfeeding her to sleep.

The pleasure of father and daughter in front of her face irritates her.

The jealousy towards Dunia and My relationship is epic..

..and the anger and swearing that are manifestations of this have produced a new manifestation.

When Olga hit my hand away from near to Dunia's mouth (..she'd just picked something up of the ground and put it in her mouth..) and swore at me... Dunia leapt in and echo'd her sentiments.

'Pushol v jjjop" was uttered plus the hits against my hand were also replicated.

Past few weeks have been unbelievably repugnant..

..suffice to say

Insults and violence have been dished out by the wife.

She deceives her friends when she tells them that she is making any effort to resolve problems.

She is constantly seeking to provoke a fight or trouble generally.. and then seeks to allot responsibility on my shoulders for doing so.

In taking this even a step further, when 2 year old Dunia asked "Mummy, stop it" as she began screaming at me this morning.. Olga said "Dad is bad." .. "It's not Mummy Dunia. Dad is the bad one.".. I simply left this without response.. Given nothing provoked the earlier behaviour, the volatility that could ensue as a result of responding is too much.

Olga is looking for an excuse to justify taking Dunia and running back to singlehood.

Olga's Mum finishes work early today..

..and so Olga told me that my morning walk with Dunia is cancelled.

She stated she calls the shots on when and who Dunia is with.

And that I do not have a right to expect that I can walk with her when I want.

Rather, now that summer is upon us and school is imminently out, her mother is expected to consume the majority of the time.

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When I said she is our child - not hers or mine exclusively, she rejected this as meaningless.

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Further, when I stated that she did not visit a sperm donor clinic to get a child.. she stated (in alignment with recent messaging to and contact with other guys) that she will be getting a sperm donation from someone else soon.

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In terms of clear impact on Dunia, today was one of the worst.

Screaming, she ran to me and was comforted by my hug... Olga then came and dragged her out of my arms, took her to the bedroom and closed the door (..no doubt breastfeeding and whatever whispers are concomitant ensued)

Nightmare continues..

..Olga comes in after attending a funeral.

She was out from 2 until 4pm, when the reason we came home from the park was that Dunia was clearly very tired.

...

Notwithstanding knowing that Dunia sleeps to the rhythm of her breastfeeding, I was attacked for not having put Dunia to sleep.

Worse was to come..

Following the sarcasm "we (ie Dunia) cannot sleep without your kiss" (..which related to my entering the bedroom to kiss Dunia, and wish her a good sleep prior to the breastfeed..)

..a full blasted attack and physical strikes followed from my responding to Dunia's "booby, booby" request with the answer "booby is coming darling, just a moment" (..as Olga was at this point in the kitchen and soon to return).

Olga struck me, screamed at me and attributed suicide to people like me (..the funeral waas for someone who had committed suicide).

The fact that her behaviour caused Dunia to scream and cry didn't appear to inhibit her performance.

I felt sick in the stomach yesterday..

..when I called out to Olga to come and enjoy a beautiful moment

where Dunia said (in response to my suggestion we go and get prepare her dinner in the kitchen and then return for a picnic on the balcony)

"You go.. and I stay"

..

Olga came to the balcony and then said "Yeah.. so what?"

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additionally 2 afternoons back Olga rejected helping Dunia sit on my back on the grass (whilst I was to play the role of horse-y on all fours in the park) .. she said "there are limits" (ie this was one) .. and "you are an adult" .. the expression ludicrous narrow mindedness doesn't quite capture the despair I felt..